This is my first post on my new blog. This blog is devoted to the weird things we see and experience when shopping at Wal Mart. So, if you enjoy it or have a story that you would like me to post, just send it to me. This is a place where everyone can share our weird stories for others to laugh with us. Please don't judge my grammar too harshly, just enjoy. Something strange happens to me, or around me, every time I enter that store. Today was no exception.
Living in a small town in Southern Oregon, shopping is limited. Grants Pass has two "super-stores", Fred Meyer and Wal Mart. We have our share of grocery stores, but if the need arises for something that cannot be found on the aisles of Safeway, those are are two choices. I frequent Fred Meyer for nearly all of my household items. But on the rare occasion I need something that cannot be found at Freddie's, and I lack the time to head to Medford (25 miles away), I am forced to shop at Wal Mart. Now, don't get me wrong. I am sure that Wal Mart is loved by millions of people across the world. I am just not one of them. I despise shopping in a store with chronically sticky floors, mothers beating their children, grown men wearing dirty white tank tops, and teenagers having "spiting" contests across the aisles. In fact, I hate it so much that it nearly borders in fear. Fear that I might catch some type of parasite from just touching the cart, even after I use that wipe to clean any part of the cart that I might even brush up against. Or, I might be accosted by some 24 year old mother with her 6 dirty kids for blocking the beer aisle. I am always afraid that I will be mugged and some freak will steal my purse. In fact, my policy is to never enter that place without back-up. That means using the 'buddy system' or calling Joanna before I go inside and give her my time limit. If she has not heard from me when my allotted time is over, she knows to immediately call the police and inform them that I am missing. This brings me to the events at Wal Mart today.
William and I are training our new dog. He is doing well enough on the house training to not have to stay in his crate all the time, but not enough to have free roam of the house. I have tried putting up the stair gate, giving Jasper run of the downstairs. Well, after finding several "surprises" from Jasper in the game room, we decided that we would limit his free time to the kitchen and family room. For this, I would need to purchase a second gate. One for the hallway and the other to block the doorway to the dining room, I mean "game room". (Story for another blog.) Anyway, I was also out of Slim-Fast. Now, Fred Meyer carries baby gates, but not the flavor or type of Slim-Fast that I like. The only place to purchase both items is Wal Mart. So, after my" I-am-going-in" call to Joanna, I walked through those doors of shame. I would be strategic. I would hit the nutrition aisle and grab the entire stock of Rich Chocolate Royale Slim-Fast in the cans, dog food 4 aisles over and then swing to the back corner and grab the gate. I would have less than 20 items so I could use the express lane and be out in less than 10 minutes. So far, so good. I was able to get a cart that had just been sanitized by a strange looking woman in a blue vest, and off I went. Immediately, I realized that my plan would not work. You see, I frequent Wal Mart on such an infrequent basis, that I did not know they had remodeled the store. Nothing was where it used to be. Okay, I could deal with this. When I finally found the nutrition section, I easily spotted the Slim-Fast. I reached down to the bottom shelf to grab my stash. Only four cases? Ugh. That means I have to go back sooner rather than later. As I put the fourth case in my cart, a lady pulled her cart directly behind mine, semi-blocking me. "You're not buying that because you think you need a diet, are you?" she asked. I looked up to see a woman in her 40's, crooked glasses and her hair in disheveled pony tail. She looked more put together than anyone I usually see at that store. I looked around for my back-up that I did not bring today. I was all alone. "Um....No", I replied. "I drink it when I am in a hurry and don't have time for breakfast". I thought about adding that Megan drinks it for breakfast the day after she gets a new wire in her braces, but thankfully didn't. "Well," she went on, "I used to weigh 100 lbs. I have been sick and on chemo and have gained a lot of weight. I now weigh 130 lbs." I smiled, probably with a weird look on my face and tried to get to my cart. She continued, "How does that stuff work? I mean, I have to loose all this fat around my middle. It's gross. Maybe I should try this," as she grabbed some bottle of diet pill with Green Tea. Again, I made the move for my cart, but a no go. "This fat is making me crazy. Here I was, 2 weeks ago at 100 pounds, now look at me. I just gotta get this belly gone!" As she finished that sentence, she pulled up her shirt to just under her bra, and with her free hand, grabbed and then shook her fat belly. She was wearing low rise jeans, a few sizes to small. That just made the image more disgusting. I thought to myself, "are you freaking kidding me?" I looked around for a camera or something, but found nothing. Again, I wonder what expression was on my face and why she didn't think that she was freaking me out. Now, let me just say that that belly was more than 130 lbs. I think she was in denial. "I just gotta get rid of this belly," she repeated. "Um... good luck with that," I said, as I pushed her cart, probably too hard, out of the way and desperately grabbed my cart and walked away as quickly as I could. After about 3 aisles, I turned around to see if she was still there and if that really just happened, or if I had inhaled something through the ventilation system and was hallucinating. No, I was not high. There stood that lady, still talking, but now to the diet pills. A lot of strange and weird things happen to me at Wal Mart, but I can honestly say that a strange woman has never lifted her shirt, grabbed her rolls and shook them at me. I am always prepared for something weird at Wal Mart, but today took the cake!
Now it's your turn to share your stories! Send them to me as a comment or e-mail and I will post them here. This will be fun!
Ok, this should have some NSFW warnings or something...ewwwwwwwwww.
ReplyDeleteI never go to Wal-Mart anymore, but this pretty much sums it up for me. Keep on Bloggin Shell!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojLQ2t6N1EU
Maybe next time you should go in disguise and dress and do your hair just like the people you see there. That way you won't stand out and won't attract attention. Borrow some people's kids, throw some dirt on them, wipe some jelly on their faces, give them each a can of coke and don't let them wear shoes and you're good to go! Anyway, this story is awesome! The WalMart by my house is pretty decent, thank goodness!
ReplyDeleteOh my word Shelley... that is disgusting! I haven't ever had anything quite like that happen to me, but I am like you in trying to avoid anyone I see there... I won't even go down aisles with more than 1 person in them. I hate taking my kids there too. My mom has a pretty good story for you... I will have to tell her to give it to you for this. It is almost worse then yours, if you can belive it.
ReplyDeleteWe had to go to WalMart one summer evening because we were on that side of town and in a hurry. I was just telling Chris how I really would rather drive 10 extra minutes to get whatever it was we needed and not risk everything that comes with going into a WalMart. So, here I am, explaining how everytime I go into a WalMart, there are kids in swimsuits, no shoes, ice cream dripping down their arms and onto the floor where they are sitting in a pile of dirt. The mom, dressed in a wife beater, no bra, unkept hair, and sweat pants has her back to them while she prices discount cookies. So, dirt and ice cream on the floor is to be expected, right? We walk in and 10 steps into the store and my flip flop sticks to the floor. Out comes my bare foot onto the dirty floor. Now, I have quick reflexes, but I wasn't quite swift enough to stop the momentum that carried my foot directly onto the dead periwinkle laying in my path. Now I am wearing only one shoe with a dead periwinkle stuck to the bottom of my bare and once clean foot. I grabbed the handle of the cart we were using, not being careful a to where I put my hand. I grabbed in the exact spot I saw when we first got the cart. The spot I had advoided for the first 5 seconds in the store, the spot with the stickey, gummy stuff right where any normal person would push the cart. I still to this day, cannot admit that it was most likely gum on the cart. I got the shoe back on, went to the car, and waited for Chris to get whatever it was we needed. If I ever have to cross the threshold of Wal Mart again, I ALWAYS wear shoes with laces.
ReplyDelete